考博批改范例
：
Keeping Healthy
（
题目是固定的，不要随便更改，用给出的题目good health
）
With the sharply quickening economy ( 这句话的表达很别扭，不符合语法结构，可以改成with the fast development of economy ), both the ( 这里没有特指，所以删掉定冠词)students and people who has （注意主谓一致，用have ）been aready （ 拼写错误 ）working for a long time confront much heavier burden than before. Mojority （ 拼写错误 ）of them have to keep tightening （ 这里表示高度集中用keep concentrating ）all the time so that they have no time care ( to care ) their health. however ( 注意句首要大写 ), it is significant to prevent us from illness because a perfect body could be a necessary tool for a successful creer （ 拼写career ）.
In my veiw （ 拼写 ）, much can be done to kee （ 拼写 ）fit. on （ 注意大写 ） the one hand, when we finish the work, making some practice （ 做些运动用doing some exercises更好 ）is a good way to burn the energy （ 不应该是消耗你的精力，充其量也就是脂肪吧，所以不如直接写keep fit好一点 ）. We should keep （ keep没有花费时间的用法，用spend time in doing ） at least half an hour doing some sports. A wonderful body can give us a ( 精神不可数，所以删掉冠词，不定冠词只用在可数名词单数前面 )good spirit. On the other hand, a rational diet is another measure to keep not only healthy but also beautiful.
For
myself
（
用宾格形式me
）, swimming and running are the main
exercese
(
注意拼写，用复数形式
). Usually, I do not eat much high energy food like KFC. In a word, a good health is the most important for every one.
点评：
第一段的内容过多，而且第一段不必要举例说明某个人群需要健康，每人都需要健康。所以第一段你只要叙述健康的重要性就可以了。第二段和第三段的写作内容还是比较成功的，只是里面有好多的语法错误以及马虎造成的拼写错误导致失分严重，今后写作一定要注意。继续努力！
注意：本文归作者所有，未经作者允许，不得转载
